Editor’s Note: The following is a revision of the letter sent to UC Berkeley spokesman Dan Mogulof from the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) on December 20, 2009. This letter, which announces Mr. Mogulof’s selection as the Top Outstanding Oratorical Leader (TOOL) of the Year, has been censored revised. During a lunchtime summit meeting with Big-D (what we like to call Mr, Mogulof) on Friday, January 22 , our honoree was kind enough to point out a number “factual” inaccuracies our award committee made in drafting the original announcement (note: our putting the word factual in quotation marks should not indicate that Big-D used the word factual at any point during our summit meeting). We thank Big-D for pointing out these mistakes and in making our corrections have taken inspiration from the mild revisions his office recently made to a press release about the attempted siege protest at Chancellor Birgeneau’s home on the evening of December 11. Also please note that due to security threats, Big-D’s January 29th award ceremony has now been moved to an undisclosed location.
Editor’s Note 2.0: Apparently the press release Big-D’s office released online and which the international press used for their reporting of the protest at the Chancellor’s home (and which may or may not being used as evidence in student conduct hearings) is technically not a press release. It is something completely and totally different, as Big-D recently informed us via email. We apologize for yet another “factual” inaccuracy and any emotional damage it might have caused anyone.
Dear Mr. Mogulof,
It is with deep respect and admiration that we here at the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) write to express our gratitude for your masterful performance as UC Berkeley’s Executive Director of Public Affairs. The past months have been trying for all of us here at the University of California. We have seen “radical elements” infiltrate the most hallowed halls of our beloved university. Fanatics have corrupted young and old minds alike with their Bolshevism and dangerous demands to democratize the university’s decision-making processes. These extremists have terrorized us all with “incendiary devices,” militant strikes, fascist spectacles, and “childish” building occupations. Yet in the midst of such threats, you have helped us make sense of the chaos.
As the official spokesman of UC Berkeley, you have been there whenever our administrators, “fearing for their lives” were forced to hide in “undisclosed locations.” You have spoken courageously and eloquently on their behalf, waxing poetically on the value of autocracy during times of emergency. You are always there to answer questions when our leadersrefuse to have more pressing business to which they must attend.