As you all are likely well aware, UC President Mark G. Yudof has experienced a recent unfortunate housing deficit. In order to help him out of his current accommodation crisis, UCMeP has taken it upon themselves to put out ads for a new longterm luxury rental home for President Yudof and his wife. Please pass along the following CraigsList Ad to anyone you think might be able to assist President Yudof in his time of need.
Plain Text of the Ad:
UC President Looking to Rent Luxury Estate
Portly silver fox and wife on the hunt for luxury long-term rental accommodation appropriate for the president of a multi-billion dollar private education research and investment firm. Money is no object. Preferred style of residence: Tuscan villa, Tudor mansion, French chateau, Japanese imperial palace, or comparable lavish option. Amenities should include:
-15,000+ square foot floor plan should be adequate for the oligarch and his consort. Multiple building complex preferred.
-360-degree panoramic views of the San Francisco Bay (from all rooms).
-On-site underground parking garage with 24-hour valet service (will also consider elegantly concealed above-ground options).
-Elevators instead of stairs (or option to replace stairs with inclinators or Acorn stair lifts).
-Adequate wall space for hanging an extensive personal collection of paintings by Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light.
-Cool, dry underground cavern for storing university collection of Californian Indian remains.
-Existing Jurassic Park-like electrified fence or piranha-infested moat (other vicious aquatic predators acceptable) to keep out outrageously indebted students, embittered faculty, irreconcilable union workers, and other undesirables.
Preferred locations include Pacific Heights, and the Oakland or Berkeley Hills – really anyplace where the tenant can have neighbors of his appropriate aristocratic class and high social standing. This means NOT the petit-bourgeois enclaves of Piedmont, Rockridge, Claremont, North Berkeley, etc.
Mr. Mark Yudof and his better half would like to move as soon as possible. Current $11,500 a month Lafayette shack is not up to snuff.
Will pay extra if landlord is abroad, not a regular reader of the New York Times, and will not run a credit check.
Parties with potential offers to proffer should immediately contact Mr. Yudof’s personal Space and Relocation Manager, Karren Jamaca, at (510)987-9944 or by e-mail Karren.Jamaca@ucop.edu (preferably both).
For references please contact Richard Blum of Blum Capital, Diane Feinstein of the US Senate, and Russell Gould of Wachovia Bank. To get in contact with these individuals, please call or e-mail Mr. Yudof’s Strategic Communications Director Lynn Tierney at (510) 987-9288 or Lynn.Tierney@ucop.edu. If Ms. Tierney is unavailable please contact her lackey Steve Montiel at (510) 987-9157 or Steve.Montiel@ucop.edu. Please do not hesitate calling multiple times and sending many, many emails. They look forward to hearing from you.
For all other enquiries, please contact the real estate wing of the UC Movement for Efficient Privatization (UCMeP) at UCMePberkeley@gmail.com.