Monthly Archives: July 2013

The UC’s 20th President Shortlist

We awoke to startling news this morning that Janet Napolitano would be stepping down as Secretary of Homeland Security to succeed Mark Yudof as the 20th President of the University of California.

Initially we here at UCMeP were satisfied with the curious appointment… until we learned from former film executive Sherry Lansing (head of the UC’s search committee) who was offered the post ahead of Napolitano.

Here is a run-down of the UC’s original short list with Lansing’s commentary included:

5. George Zimmerman

Current Position: Volunteer Neighborhood Watch Chief

“We reached out to Zimmerman because we admired his ‘hands-on’ approach to securing elite spaces against intrusions by undesirables—a skillset Napolitano also promises to bring to the UC. Unfortunately, Zimmerman was preoccupied during the final round of interviews and had to remove himself from consideration.”

4. Lawrence Summers

Current Position: Harvard Economist

“Summers formerly served as president of Harvard and worked in the Reagan, Clinton, and Obama White Houses. We liked him because he all but pioneered the revolving door between the state, finance, and higher education. But when offered the job, Summers refused, declaring UC Berkeley and UC Irvine to be full of ‘anti-semitic fascists.’”

3. Ayn Rand

Current Position: Paul Ryan’s personal tutor

“Like Napolitano, Rand HATES communists, but LOVES books. Unfortunately she has been dead for three decades.”

2. Condoleezza Rice

Current Position: Professor, Stanford University

“Condi actually laughed when she heard our offer. When we insisted that the UC was serious, she said it was ‘cute’ that a cash-strapped public university system thought it could poach personnel from Stanford.”

1. Jan Brewer

Current Position: Governor of Arizona

“Brewer was actually our first choice. She followed in Napolitano’s footsteps as governor of Arizona, but far exceeded expectations. We liked Brewer because of her demonstrated dual commitment to barring access of Latin@s to public education and to dismantling ethnic studies programs. These have been pillars of President Mark Yudof’s tenure at the UC, and part of a program the UC hopes to continue. Brewer declined because she thought her current job as governor positioned her better to fight that whole woman’s-right-to-choose-thing.”

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